Kiss Your Miracle

It’s New Years Eve, which means today marks the end of 2009. And even though I’ll probably be fast asleep at midnight (unless I happen to be up for one of my many nightly trips to the bathroom at that moment), I’m looking forward to this holiday. I’m sure tomorrow morning will feel almost the same as this morning, but there’s still something nice about the start of a new year. I’ve always been grateful for beginnings and endings. I don’t think it’s a mistake that sunrise and sunset are the most beautiful, peaceful times of the day.

This year especially, the thought of a new start brings relief. I won’t say that ’09 has been all bad; it’s definitely had its share of blessings. In June we found out about miracle baby #2. We celebrated Sky’s first birthday in July and then in the fall learned that our second child is a boy. But this year also held financial stress and health problems for our extended family. And overwhelmingly, 2009 will be remembered as the year of my dad’s cancer diagnosis and his death on November 3^rd. The past few months have been difficult, so in that sense, I’m ready to move forward.

At the same time though, there is a part of me that actually wants to hold onto this year. The pain of my dad’s death is still new and shocking, and every first my family goes through without him stings. Sky still remembers her Papa, but she’s only seventeen months and I know that as time ticks by, her memories of him are fading. I don’t want my dad’s absence to become normal. But I also know that living in a state of grief indefinitely isn’t healthy, and maybe that’s part of why God steadily pushes us on to new months, new years, and new phases of life, even when we might not feel ready.

I hope that for Adam, Sky, and me, 2010 will include a good birth experience and a healthy newborn addition to our family. I hope this year includes a healthy set of twins for my brother and his wife in April, and I’m also asking our Almighty God to give miracle pregnancies to the couples I know who still struggle with infertility. I’m excited at the possibilities of 2010, but the unknown is scary too. I’m sure this coming year will include surprises, some so wonderful we haven’t imagined them yet, and some we would never choose for ourselves. More than ever, I can’t escape the fact that life is fragile. But God has promised that goodness and mercy will follow each of his children all of our days. And I plan to do what I can this year to take Him at His word, regardless of what the future holds.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea…” – Psalm 46:1-2