Today October 29, 2009
On Monday, Adam, Skylar and I flew from Michigan back to Florida. I’ve been gone for three and a half weeks and things at home have been piling up. Skylar and I both have doctor appointments this week, and Adam needs to put in some time at work. Our plan is just to be here a few days and then fly back to my family this weekend.
I guess in a way it’s nice to be home. Our house feels spacious and quiet compared to the noise and chaos of my parents’ house in Michigan. But I can’t really enjoy being here. All day long I think about my family up north. I wonder how my dad’s day is going – whether he was able to sleep last night, if he’s eaten much, if he’s feeling calm or anxious, the things he’s said today, his pain level – all things I would know if I were still there. I can always call my mom for an update, but I know how busy she is, and that long phone conversations are a burden to her these days. If I were home, I’d catch her in the kitchen while she makes her standard breakfast (rice cakes with peanut butter, eaten while bustling around) or I’d sit on her bed and talk to her while she puts on her makeup. I’d be able to see for myself how my dad is doing, and I could hug him and tell him I love him before he goes to bed, which is wonderful even when he’s not coherent enough to say much in return.
Leaving my family for the week has only emphasized to me what a blessing it’s been to be with them. Every day with my dad is precious and I want as many of them as I can have. Even though traveling with Sky, our firecracker fifteen-month-old, is not easy, the thought of flying back to my family this weekend is a relief. But as I approach the third trimester of my pregnancy, I wonder how long I’ll be able to stay. It’s just one of the many question marks that cover the days ahead. Thank God it’s not up to me to find the answers. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t plan out the next few months of my life. But the Lord knows what will happen. He knows our son’s birthday and he knows how much I want to be near my parents through the crisis of my dad’s cancer. He will work things out for our best. And all that’s required of me is to follow Jesus today.
“Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.” – Deuteronomy 30:11
Oh, Linnea! What perfect timing to read your words today! Today has been a day that has seemed to magnify all the question marks looming in front of Ryan and me, and each time I think I might have nailed down an answer all it does is pop up another question. Your reminder that God knows how badly we want certain plans to work out, and how much He cares about working them out for our benefit is so encouraging. In the midst of all this I am definitely continuing to pray for you and Ad while you’re down here away from your family, and for them as they face each question mark too. Praise God He truly doesn’t command us anything for today that is beyond our reach – or, like your Mom says, just do the next thing.
Love you!
Absolutely love the verse, Linni. We eagerly anticipate your arrival on Saturday. Nicholas is looking for cousin Skylar, too. He’s learned to wave bye-bye in your absence and also to sing at the top of his lungs, although its totally the “One Note Samba.”