Hope October 25, 2009
This past Thursday I went with my parents to see Pastor Colin Smith, head of our old church in the Chicago suburbs. That day happened to mark the one month point since my dad’s diagnosis. It’s hard to believe that just over four weeks ago he was putting in busy, twelve-hour days at his law practice. He now has difficulty walking and trouble formulating his sentences. Those who’ve had experience with pancreatic cancer know it’s not like any other disease. Its vicious appetite shocks us daily.
When we got to the church, Pastor Colin and my dad talked privately while my mom and I waited near the sanctuary. We found a little bench and decided to sit down and pray. At one point during her prayer my mom said, “Lord, we wait with anticipation. We are excited to see how you will work things out over these coming days.” I opened my eyes and looked up at her. Had she really just used the word “excited” about the future? As soon as she finished praying I asked her about it.
Me: Is that how you really feel? Excited?
My Mom: Why shouldn’t we feel excited?
Me = blank stare
My Mom: Linnea, your father’s world here is narrowing. Every day there are more things he can’t do. He isn’t interested in food. Talking is difficult. He’ll never work or drive again. Can you imagine how hard it must be for him?
Me: Exactly, it’s hard!
My Mom: But he’s about to go to heaven. His tiny world will be blown wide open! Think of all he’ll get to experience, and it’ll be much, much better than anything we have here. If we are truly believers, then that’s where our hope is – in heaven. Not here.
***
There aren’t words to express the level of difficulty and stress my mom is currently facing twenty-four hours a day. She doesn’t want to say goodbye to my dad, and I know she battles her share of fear and uncertainty and sadness. But she doesn’t stop there. She always comes back to the promises of God. The words of scripture are her daily vocabulary and they shape her perspective. I don’t think anyone would blame her if she fell apart. But instead she is reaching out for God’s grace, and she is setting the tone for our entire family. No matter how hard things may be, my mom is quick to remind all of us that life here on earth is not all we have. And when we are overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of my dad leaving us, dwelling on heaven is the only thing that helps.
“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.” – Philippians 3:20-21
Wow Linni – your mom is amazing. This is so convicting because it’s so hard to lose focus especially in the midst of grief.
We all have our own coping skills to get through something too difficult for our mind and emotions to figure out. There are some of us who can be strong through the crisis and then crash emotionally or physically when it is over. You are watching a godly woman be full of His amazing grace. It is a comfort to have the assurance of knowing your dad’s life is about to begin in a whole other deminsion. Your mom will need the time it takes to grieve his absence from her which will be mixed with peace and joy on some days so it will not totally consume her and crush her spirit. I have known her for a short time but see a strong constitution in her that will not falter.