Kiss Your Miracle

On Friday, Adam, Skylar and I flew from Florida to my parents’ place in Michigan for a long weekend. Normally, Sky wakes us up hours before everyone else, but on Saturday morning, Nelson appeared downstairs at 6am. We made tea and coffee while Sky played with my parents’ dog, Jack. We’d been sitting around talking about my dad’s cancer for fifteen minutes or so when Nelson pointed out how easy it is for us to do just that – talk. We analyze how my dad looks, his best possible course of treatment, what the future might hold, and what type of plans we should make for the coming months. By the end of the conversation, we’re all usually agitated and stressed.

Since we heard about my dad’s cancer, Adam and I have had many discussions about what we should do. All we want is to be here with my parents as much as possible, but the fact that we live in Florida is a major complication. Last week we went around and around. Should we just get plane tickets for a quick weekend and plan to come back again soon? But how many times can we afford to fly up and back? Should we try to stay longer instead? But what about Adam’s job? Is there a way we could somehow move near my parents for a season? But what about our mortgage, the awful housing market in Ocala, and Michigan’s rising unemployment rate? And what about the fact that I’m more than half-way through my pregnancy and my insurance is only good in Florida? Whenever we’d talk about it, I’d end up completely confused and overwhelmed. We eventually chose to fly up for five days, but I felt strange and conflicted whenever I thought about leaving my parents so quickly.

“Have you noticed that plaque on the wall over there?” Nelson asked on Saturday morning. The old wooden plaque, which belonged to my grandma years ago, has the King James version of Isaiah 26:3 written on it in gold letters – “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee.” Nelson shook his head. “We all want to know what’s coming,” he said. “We want to make plans. But now is not the time for that.” For a minute we sat there quietly. Then Nelson said, “We just go round and round, talking in circles about things we don’t know. Maybe we should sit here and pray instead.” And so we did. Sky chattered away, interrupting us here and there, but Nelson, Adam and I sat still for a while and did our best to hand things over to God.

Later that day, Adam and I took Sky to the park, and as we were walking home, I said suddenly, “How about if I just stay here with Sky for a while?” Our original plan had been to fly back to Florida together on Tuesday. “I think that’s a good idea,” Adam said. “I’ll fly home and work and drive back up in a week or two. We’ll see what’s happening then and be flexible.” And just like that, our decision was made with no major discussion and no agitation. God showed us what to do in his timing.

Nelson is right. Now is not the time for long term plans. God gives us peace when our minds are stayed on him, not the future. For now, Adam will head back to Florida and I’ll be here at my parents’ house. It’s never easy to be apart, but we both know it’s what we need to do for now. When we’re ready for the next step, God will reveal it to us. What a relief, to let go of the burden to make plans and focus completely on God and the time he has given me with my family today.