Flawed March 9, 2010
When Sky first met Micah, she immediately offered him a ball to play with. It was a perfect beginning. But Micah’s officially a month old now, and since that first day, we’ve had our share of conflict – like this morning, when Skylar cried through Micah’s entire thirty minute feeding because I wasn’t giving her my full attention.
During those times I usually remind myself of all the wonderful mothers I know who somehow make life work with many children. The women in my family are all role models for me, especially because they’re willing to talk about their parenting mistakes and compromises. When my mom was here right after Micah’s birth, Sky was having an off day, and my mom told me to put on some cartoons for her. “But isn’t it bad for her?” I said. I do let Sky watch TV, but I usually feel guilty for it. “Are you kidding?” my mom laughed. “I used to beg you guys to watch TV when you were toddlers.”
I’m not trying to advocate lots of TV for little kids and I know my mom isn’t either (my only TV-related memories are of her telling us to turn it off). I’m just grateful that my mothering examples have never pretended like their kids didn’t taste sugar or watch a movie until they left home. I hope I set high standards and try for the best with my children, but it’s good to remember I don’t have to be perfect. Life isn’t always as pretty as our pictures; I’ve had several major meltdowns in the past four weeks. But I think that’s just how it is to be a mom. It’s messy and chaotic and emotional I love it anyway.
Linni,
You are such a great mom. And, I’m so glad you’re giving yourself a break! A little cartoon here and there in exchange for a little sanity is a great swap I’d say. Your kids will turn out amazing because the most important thing is that you guys are their parents!
You are a loving and attentive mother which I believe is a definition of being a perfect mother. It is impossible to not make mistakes in the area of motherhood for it is such a “learn as you do” method.
I look back with regret of striving to be perfect in everything I did in life, especially motherhood. I realized that it was through my own insecurity of needing approval and acceptance from others. I regret that in doing so, I didn’t allow much grace for myself or our children, which they picked up on and became A type personalities. Everything I did was structured, even playing with them was an used as an opportunity of teaching them something. I remember many meltdown days but the photo albums remind me that we did alot of fun things together. Life is too short to be serious all the time and I now have the second chance that all grandparents have to just enjoy the newness and simpleness of life through the eyes of our grand children. You and Adam are more balanced in parenting than you realize. All four of you have gone through alot of life changing moments in the past six months which is reason enough for the roller coaster of emotions. Be comforted in knowing there are many women in your life who have (or still are) walked in your shoes.
Oh man, some of the early days adjusting to 2 were rough for me as well. Hang in there and definately let yourself do what you gotta do to deal with it all- as in cartoons or a messy house or cereal for dinner for 4 days in a row. It does get easier, although some days having 2 makes me wonder if I’m crazy to want more! (which I do, despite the fact that it’s easy to be too hard on myself and let go of the ‘perfect mother’ picture in my head like you talked about!) Thank God for His grace- which Andrew reminds me of often when I feel afraid that I’m not doing the best I can, in the end it’s God’s grace on us all to do and be what He wants from us!!
love ya friend~ you are an amazing mama!