Kiss Your Miracle

I’ve hit that point in my pregnancy where I make certain people nervous. On Tuesday I had an appointment with the eye doctor, who seemed to be on edge from the minute he saw my belly. He asked about my due date and when I said it was a week away, he responded, “Oh, well, we’ll be sure to have you right on out of here as soon as possible.” I told him I went a week overdue with my first and still had to be induced, but he kept staring at me like my water was about to burst all over his newly carpeted floor. I ended up with my quickest eye exam ever.

More and more people are asking me how I’m doing and I have a simple answer to that question: I’m waiting. Sometimes patiently, like late at night when I crawl into bed exhausted. “I want to have this baby soon, God,” I’ll pray as I close my eyes, “but not tonight. Tonight I just want to sleep.” And sometimes impatiently. Like when I’m driving home after a visit to the midwife, who’s told me once again that everything looks “the same as last week.” I know everyone will want a report and it’s not fun to share that there isn’t one. Sky “helped” me pack my hospital bag two weeks ago, and I can’t even remember what’s in it anymore (don’t worry though – we took her stuffed animals out before we put my things in).

It’s hard to wait, especially these days when inductions and c-sections are so common. I get why people are induced as soon as their doctors are willing – the last few weeks of pregnancy are difficult and I’m sometimes tempted to go that route myself. But I think if I was induced now or even on Tuesday (my estimated due date), I’d be disappointed later, especially if I ended up with a long, slow, medicated birth. I figure my body at least deserves a reasonable chance to go into labor on its own. The thought of still being pregnant ten days from now is not a happy picture in my mind, but I’m trying not to dwell on that too much. I can handle being pregnant right now and that’s all I plan to think about today.