Kiss Your Miracle

I know moms aren’t supposed to wish their children were older. We’re supposed to enjoy each stage for what it is, and I try to do that. But sometimes I wish Micah could talk. Like last week, for example. He was extra fussy and I couldn’t figure out why. He seemed to be over his cold, but he didn’t want me to put him down at all. I’d put him in the swing or on his play mat, but he’d only last a few minutes. Then he’d suddenly burst into tears like I’d abandoned him forever, so I’d pick him up again. Almost everything I accomplished last week was done with one hand.

Then on Thursday night I was giving Micah a bath when I noticed two tiny white lines in his gums. So he’d had a good reason for all that fussing; he’d been cutting his first two teeth.

I’ll be happy when Micah can explain in words what he needs. In the meantime, I’ll just keep holding him. It’s really not such a bad way to spend the day.

I was a little nervous yesterday morning as I drove to our last MOPS meeting of the year. Along with three other women, I was scheduled to give a short testimony about how God has worked in my life. I’d decided to focus on the infertility and our miracle babies, which is a story I love to tell. But writing about it or sharing it in a conversation is not the same as talking about it over a microphone in front of a large group. It also didn’t help that I had to go first. The room was very quiet as I walked toward the podium.

As soon as I got through my opening paragraph though, I felt myself relax. I stopped worrying about how I was coming across and started thinking about the words, the story, and what God had done. When I got to the end of my testimony, I shared two scriptures God keeps putting in my head (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, which just might be the theme scripture for the rest of my life, and Isaiah 43:1-2, which is one of the most comforting promises I’ve ever read). After I thanked everyone for listening and headed for my seat in the back of the room, I felt this sudden rush of happiness. I guess part of it was relief that I was done with the up-front sharing part. But mostly it was joy at the memory how God answered the biggest prayer I’ve ever prayed.

It’s funny sometimes how God works. I wanted to encourage one or two of my MOPS friends with my little speech, and I hope that happened. But I was also talking to myself, reminding my forgetful brain of just how good I have it and how powerful my God really is.

I can’t wait to pass our story on to Sky and Micah. I hope when they look back on their childhood they forget the times I got irritated and complained about nothing. I want them to remember how their mom was always talking about God’s goodness and His blessing on our family.

“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty – and I will meditate on your wonderful works.” – Psalm 145:3-5

After she has her bath, and kisses her Daddy and Micah goodnight, Sky runs off to bed. Sometimes she talks and sings a while in her crib before she actually falls asleep, but she never resists going to bed. And there is one reason for this. It’s not my hugs and kisses or the peaceful prayers I say. It’s her bottle. When she goes to bed she gets a bottle of milk, and this bottle has somehow become a treasure in her life that she seems to love more and more every night.

At Sky’s one year check-up, her pediatrician said we should work towards giving up bottles, and I left that day thinking we would get around to that little project soon. But I let a couple months go by. Then my dad got sick and we left for Michigan, where Sky’s bottle became the last thing on my mind. We arrived home in time for the holidays and soon afterward, Micah was born. We could have worked on it then, but it seemed like cruel timing to take away one of Sky’s biggest comforts right after she’d given up her place as the only child in our family.

We realize we’ve already broken an “every good parent knows” rule by letting Sky take her bottle into the bed with her at night. It’s just that having an automatic, happy bedtime was so wonderful when we first started it that we haven’t been able to stop. Yikes, is our whole family addicted to bottles? Sky is now twenty-two months and since we’ve made it through Micah’s newborn days we figure it’s probably time to help Sky become a “big girl” and give up her bottles. We’re just not sure how to do it gently. Thoughts? Ideas? We definitely need help with this one…

Snot, puke, and tears. That pretty much sums up our week – sickness. Sky is starting to get better now, but Micah’s at his worst so far. Even drinking his bottle is a struggle since he can’t breathe through his nose. Last night at 3am after he projectile-vomited the milk he’d just had (I think from gulping in too much air), he looked up at me with big, red-rimmed eyes as if to say, “What’s happening to me, Mommy?”

This morning I’m grateful my kids haven’t been sick much in their short, little lives. Good health isn’t something I want to take for granted, especially not in my family. I’m also thankful for Veggie Tales, Starbucks coffee, and the fact that today is almost over.

When Adam and I were dealing with infertility, Mother’s Day was difficult. I loved celebrating my wonderful mom, but it was hard to get around my own personal sadness.

Then I got pregnant and everything changed. Last year I celebrated Mother’s Day with our baby girl in my arms. When they handed out carnations at church, they gave one to me. I remember handing my little pink flower to nine-month-old Skylar, who immediately scrunched it up in her tiny hands, and as I watched her I let myself cry a bit. The whole day felt like a sigh of relief. God had given me what I’d asked of Him, what I’d always wanted, and it was good to take a day and dwell on it.

A year has gone by and in that time God has given us another baby – our sweet Micah Nathan. But hard things have happened this year too, and sometimes they get all my attention. Lately my thoughts have been weighed down by grief.

But today is Mother’s Day and once again I brought home a little pink carnation from church. It’s sitting in front of me now, reminding me of my answered prayers and filling me up with joy and gratitude. Sometimes there’s nothing better than to sit and think about the things God has done.

“I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” – Psalm 77:12