Kiss Your Miracle

motherhood after infertility

Dirt September 18, 2009

Filed under: Family,Skylar Grace — Linnea @ 1:45 pm

Whoever said girls don’tDirty Sky like to get dirty obviously never met Skylar. It might change when she gets older, but for now she loves to be messy. When I let her dig in the dirt, she’s so content she actually sits still for fifteen minutes at a time. It’s a pain for me, in terms of the cleaning up part. But any healthy childhood has to include a little dirt, right?

Yesterday at our ultrasound we found out that Sky will soon have a baby brother. And today as I watched her enjoying the messy outdoors, I couldn’t help but think, “There she is… just waiting for her partner in crime.”

 

Kona August 20, 2009

Filed under: Faith,Family — Linnea @ 11:57 am

The other night Adam and I were organizing some stuff in our garage when we found an old kukui nut lei from Hawaii, which Sky immediately claimed for herself. Seeing her with the lei was like a collision of worlds – my here and now interacting with my past.  Ten years ago, a month after my college graduation, I moved out to Kona, Hawaii, to work with an organization called Youth With a Mission (YWAM). I spent my early twenties living part-time in Hawaii and traveling in Asia and the South Pacific on two-month outreaches the rest of the time. It was three years of constant change, but it’s also where I met Adam, who became the most consistent part of my life. We got engaged in Montana the year after we left Kona, married in Chicago where I grew up, and for the past six years we’ve lived here in Florida near his family.Kukui Nut Lei Sky

The kukui nut lei is now part of Sky’s toy box, and watching her play with it makes me smile. I like thinking about that time in my life, when the future was so undecided. As a wife and mother now, some of life’s big choices have been made. I wouldn’t change any of them and I’m so thankful for where I am today. But at the same time, life has a certain stability to it that isn’t nearly as glamorous as say, hiking the Annapurna trail in Nepal and backpacking through northern India for the summer. Sometimes those years seem surreal, like I might have just daydreamed them. But then there’s Sky, wearing a lei around her neck, reminding me that those years are part of who I am. I wouldn’t be Adam’s wife or even Sky’s mom without my YWAM experience.

God alone knows what the future holds. Maybe it’s a long, stable stretch of life in Florida. Maybe it’s another stretch with YWAM. Or maybe it’s something entirely new. All I know is that God is leading me every step and that means there’s a lot to look forward to.

 

“Doggy” August 9, 2009

Filed under: Family,Motherhood — Linnea @ 1:27 pm

Sky is currently obsessed with dogs, which is not a good thing in our eyes, because the last thing we want in our house is a dog. No offense to all the dog-lovers out there. I’ve just never fully understood the joy of barking, dog-smell, hair all over the place, and picking up an animal’s poop in a little plastic bag that you then have to carry with you for the rest of your walk. But Sky of course, is oblivious to all of that, and I’ve never seen her more excited than she was over my parents’ dog, Jack. During our week in Michigan last month she learned her third word (after mommy and daddy) – “doggy” – and yelled it whenever he entered the room.

Every time Sky interacted with Jack, my mom would ask her, “What does the doggy say?” Sky would stare at her blankly and then my mom would say, “Woof, woof!” One day I asked my mom if that was really necessary. “Why do we want her to learn animal sounds? Shouldn’t we just teach her animal names?” My mom laughed and said, “Because it’s fun!” Pretty soon everyone was working on it – trying to get my daughter to bark. But she wouldn’t do it.

When we got home, I found myself falling into it too. It suddenly seemed like an important milestone. What child doesn’t know what the doggy says? We worked on it every day. Then one morning when I asked the question Sky responded, “Woo! Woo!” I was ecstatic and grabbed the video camera.

It’s funny how your pre-parent self is quick to decide the things you won’t do when you’re a mom. Things like wearing sweat pants in public, driving a car with week-old, mashed up pieces of food on the floor, and teaching your child baby-talk. But I’m starting to appreciate that part of motherhood – how in some ways it’s relaxed me, almost without my permission. I’ll admit it: I like hearing Sky tell me what the doggy says. We’re even working on the other animals now. And lately I’ve been driving a very messy car, occasionally while wearing sweatpants. But the days when I let go of what really doesn’t matter long term – those are the days I laugh the most, and when it’s easy to remember why I wanted to be a mom in the first place.

 

Awe August 2, 2009

Filed under: Family,Motherhood — Linnea @ 1:23 pm

On Thursday nights I work with a program called “Helping Hands” at a pregnancy center here in Ocala. It’s a twelve week course of practical information for parents-to-be. We teach them about pregnancy and the birth experience, SIDS and breastfeeding, basic baby care and CPR, and the social services available to them. When they come to class and do their homework, they earn “baby bucks” to spend in the Baby Boutique, which is stocked with donated clothes, diapers, and other baby supplies. Each leader has a small group and after the teaching hour, we split up for discussion time. I knew my first night that I’d love helping there. The atmosphere at the center is really positive and the girls are usually excited about their babies, even though most of them are young and didn’t plan their pregnancies. I also have to admit that I selfishly like having the night out, away from home for a change, while Adam does the whole bath and bedtime routine with Sky.

Last week the class topic was pregnancy. I was in a back room grading homework, and didn’t finish it until right before small group time. When I came out to the teaching room, I noticed a box full of tiny toy babies sitting near the door. I asked the teacher what they were and she said, “That’s a model of a typical baby in utero at fourteen weeks.” I picked it up. “It’s the actual weight too,” she said. “Hey, do you want one? I gave one to each girl and these are the extras. It’s probably the size of your baby right now.” I thanked her and then stood there for a minute, studying it. It was perfectly formed and fit in the palm of my hand.

When I got home that night I showed the baby to Adam and then set it on the ottoman. The next day Sky found it, immediately stuck it in her mouth, and began to chew on its head. I’m hoping that’s not a preview of how she plans to treat her little brother or sister, though I am envisioning 2010 to be a challenging year. Even so, new life is a wonder. I hope I never forget it.

14 weeks

 

Joy July 26, 2009

Filed under: Faith,Family — Linnea @ 3:34 pm

sky in rain (1 of 1)sky in rain (1 of 2)sky in rain (2 of 2)


“…have faith in God, who is rich and blesses us with everything we need to enjoy life.” – I Timothy 6:17b


 

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