Blue April 1, 2010
How could you not love kids this cute? Micah’s big, toothless grins definitely make up for some of my feeding-every-few-hours-at-night exhaustion. And Sky’s excitement over just about everything in life makes up for some of the stress her temper tantrums cause. But it still hasn’t been an easy week.
Near the end of my pregnancy, I started to get nervous about dealing with the baby blues. I went through a bit of depression right after I had Sky and wondered if it would happen again, only more so because of my dad’s death, Jill’s death, and the extra work of having two kids instead of just one. But Micah’s birth was wonderful and just a week and a half later, my mom and sisters arrived. I was tired, but relieved and thankful to have two healthy children and my family here with me.
Now though, as Micah closes in on two months, I’ve noticed myself feeling a bit weary, as if the adrenaline I ran on for the first six weeks of his life has worn off, leaving me tired and spent. It’s awful to feel down when your life overflows with blessings, so I’m doing my best to live gratefully the way I know God wants me to. I believe there are times when my emotions aren’t trustworthy and this seems to be one of those times. Exhaustion tends to cloud my thoughts, especially when it lasts for weeks.
As I write this, I’m hearing the words of many mothers a little ahead of me on the path saying, “This too shall pass,” and I know it will. I’ll start to get more sleep and things will naturally look brighter. I feel guilty even admitting to the baby blues after everything God’s given me. But there’s no point to this blog if I’m not being honest, so I thought I’d share with you what’s happening in my head today, even as I know things will get better tomorrow.
Linni,
I will be praying for you. Your honesty is brave and refreshing as most mom’s don’t admit to having baby blues but most I’ve known have gone through it. I think it’s great to remind yourself to be thankful but you also need to give yourself grace to be human. Even Jesus withdrew for rest. Without it, life becomes overwhelming! This definitely will past but in the mean time, give yourself some grace and maybe see if between Ad and grandparents, you can get an entire afternoon to sleep. Love ya!
Linnea,
Thanks so much for your honesty. I too have really struggled with the exhaustion that comes along with having a newborn. Babies truly are gifts and as mothers, we have so much to be thankful for! But at the same time I think that it’s ok to admit that it’s hard, and sometimes that the thought that it will eventually pass, doesn’t make it easier in the moment. Thanks for being honest, and I will pray for rest and ENERGY for you to get through each day!!
I think you are doing an amazing job, especially considering that you carry the silent grief over the loss of your father and best friend,on the back burner of your motherhood work load. Combine all that with your body still trying to balance out the hormones and very little sleep is enough to warrant any meltdowns on your part. We can be our own worst enemy for not allowing any grace or mercy to be human. It is during the most exhausting times like these that we tend to realize how much we depend on God’s grace and strength for each new day presented to us and then be able to look back at the end of the day and thank Him for helping us to make it through whatever that day brought. For it is truly “In Him we live and breath and have our being.”
Thank you for your honesty! It is a season, a short one at that, and I know it will pass for you! Wish we lived closer friend
Linni,
so many of us have been there! after elly was born, I thought i was crazy to have 2 kids so close together. i had 2 babies for heaven’s sake!
then i thought i was crazy for even wanting kids at all. Gradually, the number of times you think that decreases (i only have a rare day now when i think it
And, Anna Belle is so insanely crazy about her little sister. they fight of course, but when i send one of them to time out for hitting the other, the victim goes to time out too! they are a team (team sibling united against team parent).
Hang in there, and remember that it won’t last forever!
love to you!
Clig
Linni, precious one……I so agree with TLC…I know how I silently cried for her when she went through the same thing….and remember my own circumstances as a young mother. You ARE and amazing young woman, Godly, loving and a treasure to this family, your husband, and children. As stated above, it is a natural thing….relax and let it run it’s course. thanks for sharing your feelings so we know how to best pray for you.
I second giving yourself grace right now! It is an exhausting season of life, no matter how blessed, and all the more so since you are still grieving the loss of dear ones. Love you and wish I was there to sip coffee with you and laugh a bit. That always helps me when the exhaustion threatens to take over me! I thought of the verse ‘His power is made perfect in our weakness’ as well for you. love you~